Alternate The Discovery
by Joe Whitaker
Summary: I always wanted to write an actually good self insert fic, and this is it. Looking through the Animorphs books, the one place it was possible to insert myself into the story was instead of David. Please review and let me know how well i did or didn't do.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Joe. I could probably tell you my last name, because it won't matter a bit, but I won't, in order to preserve some sense of mystery about who I am. I can't tell you where I live, not to preserve mystery, but because it could end in my death.

You're alarmed now. Death? Why so melodramatic?

It's not melodrama, it's the truth.

You see, Earth is being invaded by aliens. Not by the idiot aliens from War of the Worlds, who were subdued by the cold virus. Not by those morons from Signs, who didn't realize that exposure to most of the planet's surface would kill them. And most definitely not ET, who relied on a group of teenagers in order to save him from medicine.

But then again, you also rely on teenagers. Don't understand?

Oh well, I'll tell you from the beginning, as far as I know.

There's a construction site that's an excellent shortcut to my house from the mall. I don't normally like malls, but they had a new bookstore that I wanted to check out. They had one good book, which I hadn't read yet.

I walked home from the mall, realizing that the book I picked up was the second in a trilogy. Again. I entered the construction site, noticing they'd destroyed some walls since the last time I was there. Or at least I remembered walls where the piles of ash were. And I definitely didn't see the cube the first time.

There are certain moments in your life in which you say "Why did I do that? I should have done something else. I'm an idiot for doing it that way. I'll never do that again."

There are moments in which you say "Why did I do that? Why was I even in a position to do that? Am I a complete moron?"

When I think about that point, I don't think any of those. I think worse.

I saw the blue cube. It was a perfect cube, and actually looked like the thing from the Transformers movie. I picked it up, figuring I could spray paint it a different color and sell it to an obsessed fan or something. Maybe just sell it to one, and have him spray paint it or something.

I heard steps behind me, and turned, alarmed. Usually there's no one at the construction site, but you get the occasional loony or, if you're lucky, teenager. It was David, a new kid at school, and he was on a skateboard. A nice guy, from what little I noticed of him. Maybe a bit withdrawn. But he still rode a skateboard.

"Hey, check out what I just found." I told him.

He came closer, got off the skateboard, and looked at the box. "You found it here?"

"Yeah. I think I'll sell it to someone." I said.

"I don't know, who do you think would buy it?"

"It looks kinda like the cube from that Transformers movie. I figure there's a rabid fan that would pay me a bit to buy it."

He lost interest, and left. I walked home, amused. I'd show it to someone tomorrow at school. There had to be a fan, or something.

Before I went to sleep, I went to the computer, got on a message board I knew, and typed.

**Pita: **Hey. I found this weird blue box with markings on it, looks like the cube from Transformers. It also glows. Anyone live near my area want to buy it or something, or at least give me an estimate to how much it costs?

Within five minutes I had my response.

**Visserd00d: **I'll buy it. I live in that area. I'll pay 100$. Where do you live?

I replied.

**Pita:** I'll be at school most of the day tomorrow, but here's my number. Call me when after 13:00 and we'll meet.

Then I signed off, and slept.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, I woke up, put the blue box in my bag, and went to school. I'm not a real morning person, and it was weird that I could do all of those in the half hour it took between the time my alarm clock rang and the bus came. I even managed to get some breakfast. It was Me day. I was definitely going to do well that day, maybe I'd even get more than 100$ out of Visserd00d, whoever he was. If it was a he.

On the bus, I started reading a comic book. Yes, I read comic books. They're not for kids. I'll have you know my IQ is 152. I'm not stupid for reading a comic book.

I had just gotten to the part where Superman beats up the fiftieth alien when the bus stopped, and I got off.

At the entrance to school, the vice principal was giving us his creepy smile, checking who came and who didn't. He seemed especially irritated when he read the names, as if by arriving, we had done him a great injustice, or maybe he just had a bad morning. God knows I can relate to that.

I walked down the hall, and tripped. My bag flew open (of course), and the box fell out. I quickly picked it up and put it back, but not before some kid saw it.

"Yo!"

"Hi!" I warmly said, wondering who he was. Did I know him? I'd definitely seen him before. He was short. Like, really short.

"I know you, don't I?" he said.

"I hope you do. We've been in the same school for a few years." While I guilted him, I tried remembering his name. Mike? No, he wasn't a Mike. He didn't fit the whole Mike-Bob-John thing. What was his name?

"My name is Marco." Had he read my mind?

"I'm Joe."

"Joe! Good name!" He said. He probably realized how stupid he sounded.

"Bye." I said. I wanted to see how Superman would beat up the latest alien.

"Wait… what was that box?" He said.

"My lunch box." I said, and the bell rang. I guess saved by the bell actually means something other than a show my sister insists on watching, even though it ended a while ago.

"Can I have it? I could pay you." He asked.

"I'm selling it for 100$ to a Transformers lunatic I know."

"How about a dollar, twenty two cents, and a promise to get you the next Superman, after I've read it?"

"Bye Marco." I said, and headed to math. I hadn't done my homework, so hopefully my teacher was late and I could copy off of Erek.

During math class my phone rang. I saw a number I didn't recognize, silenced the phone, and got a few extra math problems for having my phone on during the lesson.

By the end of the lesson, I had a headache and a few more math questions for homework, and nothing important today, so I cut classes and walked home. I checked the forums, and Visserd00d told me he called earlier, but I didn't answer. I didn't mention my extra math problems, but told him to meet me at the construction site at 11:30.

That night, I was reading a different book, waiting for 11:30, when two birds flew into my room. The third smacked into the window. One of them hit the wall, fell on the floor, and stood up. I'm no ornithologist, but I've never heard of birds doing that. The other one grabbed my box.

I don't have an allowance. I'm not good with money, either. So when I have a chance of making some, I take it. And "The bird took it"? Not an excuse. So please, please don't judge me for my next action, and realize this:

1. It's not uncommon for fantasy nerds to own, let's say, medieval cutlery.

2. I was pissed off, and confused.

I drew a sword and ran towards my box. I ran towards the bird with a sword, and tripped on the other one. I managed to grab the box back, but the bird wrestled me for it. I felt a sharp pain on my foot, and let go, and the bird flew off. The other bird had pecked me. I tell you, you look at birds in the street, you figure "How hard can that beak be? How much can it hurt?"

And I can tell you, from experience, very hard, and like a bitch.

I limped after the bird with the box, who also wasn't doing great. Apparently a box can weigh a bird down. I still had my sword, and I figured if the birds were smart enough to work together to steal a box, they were smart enough to understand me.

"Give me back my box back, or I will start actually using this thing. I can reach you."

Both birds flew away, oddly. But then again, it wasn't like my day had been normal. I was tired. I went on the message board, and wrote.

**Pita:** I got attacked by a few box-hungry birds. Can we meet up tomorrow? Sorry to cancel on you. I still have your number from today, I'll call you when I'm done with school and we'll meet.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day didn't start as great as the day before. I woke up and nearly missed the bus. No breakfast. I had math from the day before, I didn't even feel like copying from Erek, who greeted me with his usual smile. I hate people who are too cheery in the morning. It's unnatural.

I noticed a few others who were like me, which was fun. Marco was one of them, even better. I was definitely feeling better by the time the bell rang, and I asked Erek if he could give me his homework to copy quickly before the math teacher arrived. I had gotten about half done by the time he was in class, so I got those questions as homework for the next day. And today I couldn't quit after math, I had a big test after lunch.

Math was uneventful, other than the beginning. Literature class was tolerable. History was dull. But then came lunch.

The meal was good today. It's usually some form of brown stuff with green stuff, but that day they added the yellow stuff. I noticed Marco was ahead of me in line.

"Yo." I said. He turned around, as though he thought I was going to eat him.

"Hi!" He said, just like I said it. Did I sound that fake?

"I was attacked by a bird yesterday. Anything to do with you?" I asked.

He seemed a little alarmed before he got the joke. "No, I use attack dogs when I need someone whacked. Why do you ask?"

"Well, remember my lunch box yesterday?"

He thought a little, and answered "Yeah. It was blue."

"Two birds tried stealing it. One of them attacked me."

"Say what?"

"Two birds. Big birds. It was like The Birds, but with less birds, and more attacking my foot. And then I scared them off by threatening them with a sword."

"You have a sword?"

"It's a dull sword, one of those tourist things, but apparently birds don't know a bluff."

"Why would anyone want to steal the box?"

"Well, some guy on the internet offered me 100$ for it. I'm meeting him today after school. I was going to meet him yesterday, but the whole bird thing freaked me out." He got very pale, for some reason.

"Do you know who he is? Does he know where you live?"

"His nickname is Visserd00d. He lives in the area, from what he said. He doesn't know exactly where I live, but he knows this is the city. I think he's that new bookstore's owner, but I'm not sure." He got paler the more I spoke. It was actually kind of amusing. He definitely knew something I didn't about the person.

"How are you going to notify him?" He asked, pretending disinterest. Now I had to know what he was thinking.

"I'm going to SMS him at one." I tried getting more out of him, but his face became blank.

"I just remembered something. I have to go water my dog and feed the bushes." He said, emptied his lunch tray, and left, talking to someone from my math class. Jake, I think. One of the few people who did less homework than me.

I finished the test quickly and walked home. I found my box, and SMSed Visserd00d my address. It's not like he was going to do anything, I reasoned, and I didn't feel like leaving the house, now that I was back. I started playing a computer game, and didn't stop until I heard movement downstairs, and the sound of something shattering. I shut off the game quickly and readied an excuse for why I was home early when Marco burst into my room.


	4. Chapter 4

"What are you doing here?" He yelled.

"What are _you _doing here?" I yelled back. And then I noticed the alien behind him. It had blue fur. Sort of looked like a centaur. If centaurs had a completely messed up face. No mouth, no nose. It had blue fur. Some sort of opening in the face, though. Two stalks on the top of its head with eyes. Did I mention it was blue?

"Ummm… I asked first? Give me the box, please?"

"No." I said.

I can resolve this quickly, Marco. I heard a voice in my head.

"What was that?" I asked.

"That was alien speak. It is mystical and mighty, and now you have to give us the box." He said.

There was a noise downstairs, and steps approaching the stairs.

"I think that's my dad. He may have brought his weapon home." I said, allowing a small smile. I'd pick my school friends better in the future, but for now, the box was mine.

"Andalite scum! Surrender!" I heard my father say, and of course, he was holding his gun. But I've never heard him say a word with as much hate as he did the word Andalite.

"Oh shit." Marco said. "Your father is a Controller?"

"Andawhat? Controller?" Not the greatest reaction, I must admit. "Why is there an alien in my room?" That was better.

"It's just a prank from work buddies, Joe. Come on, Frank, you and your son should come downstairs. Give me that box." I think that was when it hit me. I mean, when an alien and a schoolmate appeared in my room to get a box stolen from the set of Transformers, it's completely bizarre. My father speaking the most hate-filled words since a political debate a few years ago made it even weirder. Him lying to me, poorly, and trying to get that box too pushed it so far beyond that I started thinking rationally again.

The doorbell rang. "Come in Visser, I have two of the Andalite bandits." My father said. While he was distracted, I stuffed the box into my shirt. Marco crawled under my bed. I couldn't blame him, I was terrified as well, and I didn't have a gun pointed at me.

And then another one of those aliens showed up. Another blue centaur guy who was blue. I'm not kidding. They were blue! But this one was different. For one, he was bigger. The second thing was, he radiated malice. It was something in his pose. I'm no expert in alien body language, but I think he intended to kill the other alien. It was then I noticed another thing.

The tail? It was long. It had a blade at the end. It looked sharp. It was pointed at my father's throat.

Greetings, Andalite bandit. it said. Pita… Is that you there with the box in the shirt? I believe we have a deal. I'm revising it. Give me the box, for your father's life.

My father's face became completely emotionless.

You are not getting the box the first alien said.

Then this human will be separated from his head. I believe that is fatal in humans.

No one moved. Except for my bed. That exploded.


End file.
